Welcome, come on in

it has been quite a very long time since i have blogged, so here it is.
i have been feeling so many mixed emotions in the last week or so. about friends, family, work and boys. especially alex, i still care about him so much but yet i hate him at the same time, strange. other boys have been catching my eye recently and i feel for them too but not to an extent of knowing them well enough to say, ‘i love you.’

i have been so god damn busy with work it is is crazy but i love it. i strive off excellence in the work place and being number 1 in the state last week for sales was incredible.

i have made many more friend with my job. i love it.

i am happy but in ways very confused 

sitting in a room alone feels powerful, but sitting in a house alone feels lonely. but i kind of like it. happy easter everybody. i have not blogged for a while because my life is a huge ball of busy and i don’t even get time to think. the past week i smashed records at work which put me up in 2nd place under assistant owner, kudos. i have spoken to him, again and again and again, everyday. why you ask? i could not answer that for you as i can not answer it for myself. i have learnt to be alone, to survive being in my bed alone on a cold night, to fight through any rough patches and come out the other end with my head held high. i have pushed to move on, i have temporarily. and yes, the boys are after me. 5 different asking last night what i am doing and to come hang out. taking advantage? i say so in some circumstances but not all, some are nice guys. 

but for you this is weird, strange and jealously creeps in. 

the way you spoke to me today was disgusting. the words you used made me cry. and you acted like nothing had even been said. fuck you.